it's hard

I swear that it's so hard for me to keep positive.
I don't think it's noticeable because I'm constantly putting on this front that yes I'm fine la la la I'll just smile and this and that.

it's not so easy trying to live life by the law of attraction.
as dumb as it may sound to some people it's a nice thing to believe in.
I don't think people were put on this earth to suffer
and it shouldn't be so impossible to get what you want.

everything was really wonderful for awhile!
and as soon as I felt doubt is when it starts to slowly crumble...
I need some reinforcement
positive emotion

and I know it's there
I just need to drop these worries in the back of my mind
and some of this anger...and resentment.


my mind is drifting
and it's hard for me to keep focused on my goal...

I'm really going to start to bare down and work hard for what I want
clarity is on it's way
and I will just keep working hard.



I'm starting a serious portfolio
the problem is I need a lot of models haha
But then again I have an idea.
and I never make sense!
even in this blog that's mainly for myself I'm not completely open haha.

but yeah
route 1 trip will be amazing
and eye opening I think
I feel like that's when things are going to get serious, in a good way.

and I'm thankful for that
thank you thank you thank you.