this is me

this is me.
pretty honestly


fresh from sleep
no makeup
barely thinking.

you can only guess the secrets that lie within those eyes.









actually I honestly don't believe that eyes are the windows to your soul.
i don't really know what is...
eyes can be telling, but they can also be fake.

I hear the mouth is more telling..
that may be true
I don't really know.

cuz everything around me's changed
but the garden that you've planted remains

have heart

so last night I had a dream
you were in it


do dreams really mean anything?
probably


we were in the car, your friends in the backseat and someone handed you a photograph...and said "you were so happy when you were with her, the happiest you've been."
and I guess it was a picture of you and your ex.
and I was in the front seat with you and you didn't say anything
and I felt a sort of shame, embarrassment, and a sadness slipped into my stomach.

then I woke up at 6:15
and it was cool because the sky looked amazing

I don't really care about the dream...it was just strange...and all those feelings felt very real. But yeah I felt great when I woke up :] haha




I'm off to a wedding up north tomorrow
I like wedding even though I always say I hate them ;]


I bought film today
and I am extremely bored right now yaaay

Phoenix

I love Phoenix oh so much


There music always puts me in the best mood
makes me want to dance around...ME the bitch who hates dancing! haha

it's playful, nostalgic, perfect!
I love his voice.


AND I've recently stumbled upon Horse Feathers
I love them too.


Music is medicine for my soul

blubber

ok so my goal
1 month...get back to how I was 2 years ago [weight wise]
over doing it is the step I'm taking.


thanks k bye



in other news
I'm not taking summer school for the first time in my life...
which is really weird

I'm going to have free time
since the economy still sucks balls
and I don't particularly want to work at the kennel more than the shoe shit store....

hmmmm
I really really really don't enjoy free time like most people
I think I have a weird sort of anxiety about not being busy
it makes me really uncomfortable
so I'll go to the gym a lot
walk zoso
shoot as much film as I can and wait for the open lab to start so I can work in there as much as possible


I need models
maybe I should start networking on those I need models type of sites
I wish I could just pull some out of my pocket.fudge.





I need to catch up on sleep

le sigh

you


my house
my room
my bed
and feeling comfortable
you looked comfortable

I needed this











it was a good morning

this is it :]

I'm really excited.

I can finally say I'm on my way toward being a serious photographer
So far I have 3 jobs lined up for the summer
and I'm going to try this networking thing so I can get more!


gah I feel so good about this
I can't even describe it :]


I can't wait
for all of this to fall into place


I'm going to start a 4x5 project during the summer too.


in other news though
I'm busy
I like it
but then I always wonder about things


well actually I really don't mind that I'm busy
I mind other things though
recently it's been eating away at me slowly
I can't sleep
and when I wake up I think about it
before I go to sleep I think about it
whenever I'm not busy I think about it
but I don't want to think about it anymore