I really need you


now, please.

why

I should just be able to let things go...
let people go. it should be easier for me.

it's like I keep stabbing myself once my wounds are healed, but why?
do I like feeling this
it's painful
I know

I hate crying
especially about you.
I think you know I do.


I know something is wrong with me
but I don't want to talk about it with anyone

the only person I ever used to talk to would lecture me
and I would find it annoying.
because she's found a new outlook on life
I'm happy for her
but I need comforting
not lecturing.


so I'll keep it inside
again.


I shouldn't have seen you.
it had almost been 3 months.

I can only guess what you were doing during that time
I shouldn't assume or make up stupid stories in my head but I will
because that's all I can do, because I won't ask you.

the only thing that bugs me is that I don't understand
why you can't care just a little
and why I can't stop giving a fuck what goes on in your life.
because you don't care.

maybe it's pms
idk fuck it.

I don't want to become a bitter person with a cold heart.
I want to trust people and feelings
but today I think it's all bullshit.

sighsighsighsighsighdrooldrooldrooldrooldrool!

Love

Life is fun.
And I hope I never forget that


It's good to feel love from people.
Friends, Family, and one day a charming man will love me the way I always hoped for.


This weekend was very uplifting, the breath of fresh air I needed.


I saw 500 days of summer.
good movie, painfully true and it had a good message
joseph gordon-levitt is my new rush<3
ahahaha

nothing

I really don't want to feel so cold
like my insides died
and my heart is frozen in ice

my mind is still everywhere and nowhere at the same time
my mood is so uncaring.
but only when I'm alone.


when there aren't situations that occupy my senses, my thought process.


I am tired.
I don't want to say I regret anything because I guess I don't

but I would like to apologize to myself
because I never wanted you to feel any pain
but we were just so naive to everything
we were lured in by that light

like the prey of the Angler fish
we didn't see that mangled mess of teeth and pain we were swimming to.
I've had my fair share of pain

no one knows. and no one can understand
maybe that's why we've done the things we've done.
excuses to validate bad judgment.


life is wonderful and painful all at once.
almost everything is running smoothly.
and I am so grateful for all the good
I'm just trying to push out the bad
and I feel like I need to get a lot off my chest.
but I don't trust anyone with my feeling. not anymore.

this is me

this is me.
pretty honestly


fresh from sleep
no makeup
barely thinking.

you can only guess the secrets that lie within those eyes.









actually I honestly don't believe that eyes are the windows to your soul.
i don't really know what is...
eyes can be telling, but they can also be fake.

I hear the mouth is more telling..
that may be true
I don't really know.

cuz everything around me's changed
but the garden that you've planted remains